sicky pathetic

love is a pathetic thing

love driven your heart nuts

your heart driven your mind loco

your mind drives your body unwell

yea, that happens
4 days of sickness



moving foward

the lesson has told
it's now to learn the lesson

and move to the next level.

i accept this condition,
and ready to release it,
and no regrets.




my best friend said that i have a sort of mental-illness
-no, it's not said in a bad way-

she said,
i'm too worry for something that haven't even happened yet

i admit i do.

she said i was misread

i don't know, really,
i don't know what to think.
i can't resolve the puzzle!

this is for you

"this is for you" book by Rob Ryan

on April.
when we found it difficult to explain.

still, still...

hi, walrus.

whale has been missing you.


oompa-loompas world

i actually wanna say:

but actually i wanna think:

but i think that saying this wud be enough:

i definitely live in a world of oompa-loompas right now.

paint the sky

once, in a blue sky:
"i'll paint the sky with small brushes"

will it be happening?


sometimes is a gate to a world you wanted
sometimes is a reflection from the reality

but for me,
dream, has been something i avoid,
it tells the truth.
the scary one.

i keep running on my dream


looking for the bright side

yes, i've been crushed
yes, i've been losing myself
yes, i've been angry and sad at the same time

but i'm trying to get up again,
at least, trying to find the bright-side
*if there's nothing bright about it, i can just make up some of it.

1. i don't have to get home soooo late just to catch up

2. i can save up some money to buy something, instead of spend it for dates

3. i don't have to be cranky if i don't get enough attention
well matter of fact, i don't get any attention, is another problem

4. i don't have to be jealous,
and another matter of fact, i AM jealous, but well... never mind.

5. i can find someone else.
that's good right?

anyhow, i'm still trying to look at the bright-side
you hv your brighty brighty times already?

xoxo, M



"a man never knows how to say goodbye, 
a woman never knows when to say it"

a nice old quote my good-friend gave me.


for this once

for this once,
can i break down and cry?

for this once,
can i show that i'm not that strong?

for this once,
can i be selfish?

for this once,
can i be mad at you and yell and slap you in the face?

for this once,
can i call you and tell you how jerky you are?

for this once,
i wanna let everything out,
tell you i love you
and left nothing.

it happened

like walking alone through the dark woods,
i'm blindfolded, running.

i'm trying to move faster than speed of light
so i won't feel anything

i'm trying to isolate myself
so i wouldn't hear anything, know anything

the one,
whom i thought know me best,
turns out to be the one that hurts me with a way i couldn't imagine it happen
but it happened.


enough said

enough said


someone asked me
"you must be happy with the news, aren't you?"

that's the stupidest question ever.



God talk to me now,
this is an emergency.

why? why?? why???
how come???

oh. please.



i have no courage,
no destination,
no "home",

i am a sad little thing



all we need is a little miracle

i don't even know what kind of miracle i want
i just...
need one.



trust me,
everything that you're through affect me

so i kinda feel weird
to feel this huge empty hole

i feel like a joker.

fear conquered

let's just say...
i've conquered my fear.

the biggest one: neddle, is solved

i made a tattoo,
on aksara jawa (hanacaraka) says mi-(h)a

i made this very special tattoo on an islamic new year eve:
malam 1 suro


by this, i know that i can conquer all of my fears

xoxo, M



i'm such a big fan of words and phrases
since i found this, i'll serve it for you
it's my turn to keep myself quiet

images taken from imgfave,com

find yours :)
xoxo, M

missing pieces

a story tale, childlike books always attract me
this one has a tag "all ages"
and sat there at the children section.

i fell in love instantly,
as i lay my finger on it's cover

with it's pair

how an easy drawings leads you to something you're too afraid to imagine?
it happened to me
i weep and sob to read them.

here's some insides of those books:

it's going everywhere to find it's missing piece.
my fave part:
"So on and on it rolled,
having adventures, falling into holes, and bumping into stone walls.
and then one day it came upon another piece
that seemed to be just right"

it keep waiting for something to take it somewhere.
my fave part:
"I think you are the one I have been waiting for, said the missing piece
maybe i am your missing piece;
but i am not missing a piece, said the Big O
there's no place you would fit"
you actually can read the e-version here.

it is sad and just like an alarm,
it's waking you up.

have you found your missing piece?
or are you still missing a piece?
xoxo, M

hello 2010, thank you 2009

this is my first post on 2010.
hello, another year.

but i can't stop looking back on 2009,
which for me has been a very weird, tiring, but magical year.

2009 is my year of 

i was having the best year of new music experience
i'm no longer a single, now i'm an album

the hurts, the laughter, desperation, positive minds
all the turning points of who i was before

feeling understanding and decreasing selfishness
i grew up, i grew stronger, i grew wiser

falling and getting up
i was down, and up, and drown, and lifted and trying so hard everytime
there will always a hole to fall to,
but there will always a rope to climb to.

serendipity and coincidence
i haven't found out what's behind all those serendipities
and also coincidences
i guess it's my next task

walrus & diamonds
all the beauties, the paradise, and every drama in between
still, 'us' won't be easy.
let me just let it roll.

2009 is my year of magic
that however i hate some memories of the 'em
i have no regrets.

i have never been this thankful before.
of everything, good or bad.
to be better, or worse.
i thank You, life.

without any resolutions
i welcome you, 2010.
xoxo, M