colors

these are my kind of colors.

i will smile in this

remembering the wave and the sea

i will laugh in this

remembering the good times, reminiscing the goss and the stories

and i will die happily in this

remembering being alive and the bliss and the pain

all colors taken from here

i think i'll repaint my room

xoxo, M

happiness

someone's being unhappy

i was thinking, when was the last time you feel happy?

these are my little happiness:

the warmth and silly conversations we had

the lame thing we do. DVDs and pizza.

the stupid geographic trivia questions

watching the sunset and running along this beach

or...

just to holding hands with you

then again, when was the last time you feel happy?

like... truly happy?

xoxo, M

besties

thank you bestfriend.

i've just a phone call from my bestfriend who's recently out if town

just to catch up with the news and the goss

and talking to her calm me down

i suddenly miss her comforting sarcastic lines

over coffee and cigarettes when we were younger

i feel so much lighter and normal

thanks for keeping it up with me, Vie!

and thank you for the good wishes!

see you in a week!

xoxo, M

leave the reality

i love Drew Barrymore!

she's not that funny but she's naturally funny

and just to look at these underwater photo shoots i suddenly feel happy

release yourself from reality

let's just live in imaginary

me heart Drew!

xoxo, M

out of control

this feeling has completely gone out of control

i'm so mixed up

i'm so messed up

one said:

"expect nothing, then (maybe) you'll get everything"

*sigh*

xoxo, M.

lost

sometimes i got lost in my mind.

and they helped me out again.

remembering how to rise & shine

and saying to myself, i could be happy

and not to regret anything, coz i'm only happy when it rains

and i can always use somebody

and pretending to be a great DJ when we walk

and asking you, are you in? so maybe you can give me the warmth

suddenly i'm being myself again!

thanks for the sanity you bring,

The Cardigans, Snow Patrol, Garbage, Kings Of Leon, The Ting Tings, and Incubus

it's how i create my own space

xoxo, M

mom

putting make ups for my mom

having breakfast and got all of her attention

calling her to disturb her call

i miss my mom.

i suppose you're having fun mom

xoxo, M

flowers

i always dream to have a land with flowers everywhere

so i can just lay down and day dreaming about nothing or anything

flowers can always made me feel special

and uplift my mood

i feel like i can dance around everytime i got them

or even just to touch and smell them

if a garden is too much to ask,

i can just take a bath with tons of flowers in it

i love daisies, gerberras, and sunflowers

if a guy thinks that giving flowers is useless

that's wrong, man!

girls dig flowers,

xoxo, M.

if i

if i run away

would you hold my hand and stop me?

if i say goodbye

would you say hello again and again?

if i hide

would you seek me everywhere?

if i go

would you force me to stay?

i hope.

xoxo, M

i love you

"i love you"

hope it'll last above and beyond time

always,

xoxo, M.

praying

i pray thru the songs.

here's the ritual:

Somebody - Depeche Mode

Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want - The Smiths

i got chills when i said AMEN to the songs.

xoxo, M

paint me

paint me pink and yellow today

***

i'm tired of being blue

xoxo, M

bruises

I tried to do handstands for you

I tried to do headstands for you
Everytime I fell on you, yeah, everytime I fell

I tried to do handstands for you

But everytime I fell for you

I'm permanently black and blue,

permanently blue for you.

I grabbed some frozen strawberries so I could ice your bruising knees

But frozen things they all unfreeze and now I taste like....

All those frozen strawberries I used to chill your bruising knees,
Hot July ain't good to me
I'm pink and black and blue for you.

I got bruises on my knees for you
And grass stains on my knees for you
Got holes in my new jeans for you
Got pink and black and blue

all images taken from here

this is my recently fave song from Chairlift, called Bruises

everytime i heard the song,

i'm getting more sad.

it IS sad when you tried to do headstands and handstands

and you always got bruises, isn't it?

*got my bruises and holes for you, tiger*

xoxo, M

worry

i'm being worry.

the more i get worry

the more i ask "why"

the more i get worry

the more i thought about "what if"

the more i get worry

the more i feel like vanishing in the air

i hate this situation,

and the more i get worry

the more i stressed out

the more i freaked out

the more i'm sick of myself.

and i start to write scrappy notes again.

xoxo, M.